Sunday, October 2, 2022
St. Thomas News & Information
Latest News & Information

Current Articles | Archives | Search

Chaldeans Share Their Tips on What Not To Do To Keep Relationships Strong
By Ann Bahri :: Monday, August 10, 2009 :: 51920 Views :: Article Rating :: Community & Culture

1. Nagging, nagging, nagging.
“We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up discontent,” says Alex Harmiz.  “This also hurts children.  I had a friend who was so embarrassed by his mom’s constant nagging so he used to hang out at our house all the time.  At first he said it was because he loved Chaldean food and wanted to learn more about our culture.  Later, he confided in me he could not stand his mom’s nagging all the time.”

2. Blaming, criticizing, and name-calling.
These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor, and cherish; let you play angel to his or her devil; and don't address the responsibility you both share for your marital happiness. 

Angie Allos shares that her college dorm-mate at Michigan State a few years back used to have a boyfriend that was always insulting and mean.  “I tried to tell her that love is shown by actions and words. I really felt sorry and scared for her. They really had issues and those issues eventually broke apart their relationship.”

3. Bullying, rudeness, and selfishness.
These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes. 

Jimmy Kenaya can’t stand men or women who bully.  He feels this is a sure way to end a marriage.  

4. Peacekeeping and passive placating.
A "whatever you say, Dear" attitude may keep your home quieter but leaves you in the martyr's role. You'll end up angry, defensive, and a drudge.  

Ibtisam Kashat says, “Love is built on respect and give and take.  Good marriages are about working with one another and being honest and true, not only to your spouse, but also to yourself.”

5. Deploying logic all the time.
Life isn't the starship Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either. 

Jena Jajani writes in her e-mail, “You have to be emotional at times.  Sometimes it is good to be illogical, but emotional and romantic.  Love is passionate.”

6. Throwing up distractions.
You're just having fun, right? Think again. Being hyperactive, fooling around all the time, and refusing to focus -- in conversation or in life -- often is an attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues, which can be horribly frustrating for your mate. 

Bob Hindu writes, “I loved Chandler in the Friends sitcom.  He reminded me of a friend I had in High School.  He always cracked jokes.  No one ever took him seriously.  He seemed so lonely.  I am glad things worked out for Chandler, but I don’t think they often do for class clowns.”

7. Stonewalling.
Stonewalling stops arguments and constructive discussions cold. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it.

Abby Kirma stopped being friends with her classmate because she felt she could not trust her.  “I had a friend in High School who for some unknown reason changed.  We were good friends in middle school, but around the tenth grade, she changed.  She never answered question fully and made me feel like she was hiding something from me.  She tried to change subjects when we talked and seemed distant.”    


8. Making unilateral decisions about the big things.
Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. But if you're making major decisions about your money, your time, your kids, and your family life, you're acting without accountability and cutting off the possibility of joint decision-making and deeper intimacy.

Danny Benheim writes in his e-mail, “I love how my mom and dad involve the entire family on big decisions.  A friend of mine who played baseball with me on a travel team used to love hanging out with my dad and me.  He used to tell us how upset he was with his step-dad because his step-dad would make all the decisions without asking for his input or his moms.  He used to get so mad and say he wanted to be Chaldean, because my dad would call family meetings.”

Rating
St. Thomas, MI USA

St. Thomas Chaldean Catholic Church
6900 Maple Rd.
West Bloomfield, MI 48322
Tel: (248) 788-2460
Fax: (248) 788-2153

Founding Pastor:
Rev. Hanna Cheikho

Current Pastor:
Rev. Frank Kalabat

Parochial Vicar:
Rev. Jirjis Abrahim

Rev. Emmanuel Rayes, Retired  


Rev. Frank Kalabat
 

Rev. Frank Kalabat was born in 1970 in San Diego, California and entered St. Francis Seminary of San Diego, California.  The admission to the Catholic seminary made him the first born U.S. Chaldean to enter an American seminary.  In 1992, Fr. Kalabat continued his studies at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, Michigan.  In July 1995, shortly after graduation he was ordained as priest by His Excellency Bishop Ibrahim N. Ibrahim.  

Fr. Frank chose Mother of God Parish in Southfield, MI. as his first assignment serving the Chaldean community as an associate pastor for half a decade.  In 2001, Fr. Kalabat was elected to serve as Pastor of St. Tomas Parish in West Bloomfield, Michigan where he remains today.   

Rev. Jirjis Abrahim

Rev. Jirjis Abrahim was born in Telkaif, Iraq in 1942. Upon graduation Fr. Abrahim was admitted to St. Peter Chaldean Seminary in Baghdad, Iraq.  After a decade of studies and numerous degrees, Fr. Abrhim was ordained a priest in 1967.  He chose to continue ministering in Baghdad, Iraq.  There he was appointed the headmaster of the catechism at Mother of Sorrows Cathedral.  Fr. Abrahim also assisted St. Therese Church in Baghdad until 1978.  Afterward he was asked to assist St. Joseph Church in Baghdad and was appointed Parochial Vicar from 1978-1992. 

In 1992, Fr. Abrahim was called upon to assist the growing Chaldean population in Michigan.  Upon his arrival he was assigned to St. Joseph Church in Tory, Michigan.  Two years later Fr. Abrahim was asked to become the pastor of a Parish community in Windsor, Canada  where he remained the parish pastor until 2001.

Continuing demographic changes in Michigan required Fr. Abrahim to return to St. Joseph Parish in Tory as a Parochial Vicar, where he remained until 2006.  In 2006 he was elected to St. Thomas Parish as Parochial Vicar in West Bloomfield, MI. where he currently serves the Chaldean community.

 

Rev. Emmanuel Rayes

Rev. Emmanuel Rays was born in Araden, Iraq in 1930.  He studied at St. John Dominican Seminary and was ordained to the priesthood in 1954.  The Chaldean catholic ambassador ministered in northern Iraq from 1954-1963, in Syria and Lebanon from 1963-1980, and in the United Stated from 1980 to the present day.
 
Form 1980-1983, he was appointed associate pastor at Mother of God Parish in Southfield, Michigan.  From 1983-1989 he served as pastor at Sacred Heart Parish in Detroit, Michigan.  During the early 1990’s he ministered to the Chaldean community in Farmington Hills and was at St. Joseph Parish in Tory where he was Parochial Vicar until 2000.

Although Fr. Rayes retired in 2001, he remains active in serving the community.  He is the author of many articles in Arabic and is the editor-in-chief of the Al Mishal and Al-Tariq magazine.  He has translated and continues to translate many books from French and English into Arabic.